“Why does it seem like every other person has told me David likes me except David himself? It is public secret that he has strong feelings for me. I know it, you know it, and even my parents know that he is in love with me. And I really like him too, I have always loved him. But, he just would not say it. It’s like he would rather choke than tell me how he really feels. I am so not happy with this, I mean, how hard can it be for a guy to… talk to a lady?” Tofunmi was obviously frustrated.
About three weeks ago, I completed my posting in psychiatry unit and I realized that I had learnt a lot from the posting. The posting made me laugh, cry, cringe and fear at different points. I once heard a psychiatric patient sing so beautifully with harmony and serenity, bringing tears to my eyes. Meanwhile, another patient said, “oh, so you guys have been researching about me. How do you know I hug trees? That’s something I do in secret”. I laughed till tears rolled down my eyes. I saw a family with more than half its members with mental illness and I saw people who attempted suicide and/or murder just because of their mental issues. They all had normal lives before all these.
But, about love and relationships;
While talking with psychiatric patients, we ask about their sexual history; their friendships with both sexes, relationships (male and/or female), how intimate those relationships were, break-ups, etc. You ask why?
I have always respected the male folk. Psychiatry taught me that it takes a serious level of intellectual ability to approach a lady, start and maintain conversations, get her to become comfortable with and around you, start a relationship with her and yes, get intimate… to whatever levels.
I thought it was just about being bold, but now, I know. If your intellectual capability is not in synch with your courage levels, more often than not, you’ll get insulted, slapped or even reported to the police. Also, if your intellect is very high, but your courage level is at negative, you will be perpetually single and even frustrate ladies that want to help you.
Like my friend, Tofunmi, the lady might have given the guy all necessary cues for him to know that she likes him and that it was ‘safe’ for him to tell her how he felt too. She had as much as possible eliminated all barriers so it would be easy for him. But, nothing seems to be coming from him. For such guys, intellect might be missing such that they missed all the cues given or they just were still not bold enough (and that is really serious) or BOTH (and that is pathological). Good news is, one lady might finally succeed and one can only hope that things will get better.
So, gentlemen out there, I am using this medium to let you know that the ladies understand how brain tasking it can be to take that bold step. But, we can only help you as much as you are able to ‘see’ and ‘acknowledge’ the help.