Kate and Seyi had been very close friends during their 100level university days. They had been nominated best friends several times, even best couple. The break before 300level, Seyi got admission to a university in Ghana. Before he left, he told Kate that he really loved her and felt they were to be more than friends. He wanted to be sure he was not alone in that boat before traveling. Unfortunately, she did not see things the same way. So they parted… still friends.
In her final year, Kate started dating Dare, a friend of Seyi. They were both sure of their love for each other and planned to get married soon as they both had jobs. Kate went for an interview at a telecommunication company and met Seyi who unknown to her was back in Nigeria and had also come for the interview. “Long time no see”, “didn’t know you were back”, “you look just as beautiful as then”, “etc etc”. They exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch. Two weeks later, Seyi invited Kate to his birthday get together. Dare was away on official business and there wasn’t much to do, so she accepted. She thought nothing of it till she got to his house and discovered the get together was just the two of them.
They had dinner, shared their experiences over the years, danced and talked of their future plans including Kate and Dare’s marriage plans. It was 10pm when they looked at the time and their was no way to get back to Kate’s place that night. Cut long story short… she slept in his house that night, his room, his bed, beside him… and so on. It was Dare’s call that woke them in the morning…
Okayyyiii. Like some people would say, “yawa don gas”, “wahala ti de’le”, “trouble has landed”. What next?
On Kate’s side;
– accept that she has done something gravely wrong
– confess everything to Dare
– expect him to be very very angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Surprised. Shocked
– ask for forgiveness but don’t be surprised if you don’t get. Or be very patient if forgiveness would take a long time to come
– expect some distance and time apart. He would need space to sort out his thought and feelings
– prevent him from killing Seyi or doing anything that would land him in prison.
-cut off from Seyi. Whether or not Dare gets over it, that Seyi is not a safe person
– go for prayers. That mistake is not an “omoluabi” something.
On Dare’s part;
– brother, you have every right to be angry. Try not to break things
– hear her out
– be honest about your feelings. Let her know you expected much more from her. Don’t pretend it’s okay when it is not
– forgive. It would be hard, difficult, but you can. Even if not immediately
– decide if you can go on with her without defining her by that mistake or always reminding her of it
– if you can’t, let her know. Help her understand that you have forgiven her but you just can’t move past it
– if you can…good
– then make sure you did not directly or indirectly push her towards wolves like Seyi
– pick up from where things went wrong. Forge ahead.
This applies even when roles are reversed but it would be deceitful to say it applies at all times. Sometimes, things are not so simple and straightforward. In these complex cases, it might take much more to straighten things out. Love is principal but a times, knowledge and wisdom need to overrule.