“You just have to tell him, he has a right to know and it would be helpful in your relationship. Don’t leave him in the dark, please…”
Of course, no one would be begging me to tell my boyfriend that I hit jackpot and I have been awarded thousands of dollars or naira (when its value goes up). In fact, all these TV stations would have carried it and I might have to go around with shades and prayers that ‘awon boys’ (thieves) will not come visiting.
But when it comes to telling your partner about your past, it might indeed take more than begging. Or wait, is it even necessary to tell him/her anything? I mean, isn’t it that old things have passed away and all things are now new? I asked around…
“Ermmm…I think enough disclosure to not cause any trouble in the future. It’s no use hiding anything..It will come out one way or the other… and it can come out and cause disaster. So it’s better it comes out early. You will realise that the less secrets there are, the freer you are to talk about everything else. Plus the history of your past relationship helps current bae to understand some things about you”.
1. Most people want their relationships based on truth and trust.
2. Each person’s life is not as private as he/she wishes. It would be horrible if one ‘helpful’ friend/foe decides to tell your story on your behalf. Or you and bae mistakenly meet someone from your past and because of mouth-diarrhea, everything spills out like, “Sade, wow, you look so better after the abortion crisis, thank God”. (Jesu!!!)
So, if we all agree that the telling must be done, few extra tips:
*You don’t go telling “that guy that has potential”. Nope, nope, no way! This sort of disclosure only goes to he/she who you already have a definition for and a forward progressive relationship with. You don’t tell a visitor you don’t like having around that you are making or you already made pounded yam and then say, “sorry, I did not make yours”.
*The earlier the better. That way, the hurt won’t be much if he/she can’t handle knowing so much and would rather go in another direction. Both of you would not be so hit.
*Be honest. Truth! Truth! But details depends on your partner. If he/she is very emotional and maybe… immature, you want to be careful how you hit him/her with details. (For these ones, use the ‘wide but shallow’ approach. That is, mention every aspect but don’t go so indepth).
*Because you desire total openness, it is advisable that you agree to a day/date, time and place where BOTH of you discuss such things. This way, no where in the future would accusing fingers start pointing to, “who knows what you did in the past that is causing these problems”.
But your relationship is unique. Be wise and let your every decision be in the best interest of both sides. You can always trust ‘the one’ to understand.