The LOO and its loftiness.

I wish I could say I was typing this from my comfortable spot in the loo and await the in pouring of agreements and concurring views on how the toilet is the best place for high and mighty inspirations that have shot people into the limelight of their writing careers.

Sadly, that is not the case tonight as the forces that be in the nation called Nigeria have forced me to move myself and my gadgets to a charging post.

{This calls to mind our life at Igbo-Ora then during our Rural posting. It was not expected that we would always have power, so, there was a generator with scheduled on and off times. What happened when the generator came on is the simplest illustration of what connection in real life equate to.

There is the big gen and then several miles of extension boxes, laden with adapters and chargers of all kinds, pouring energy into the different gadgets brought to the charging spot. This is the worst time in the world to have a slow charger or a charger that needs to be monitored for effective charging. I think I had both issues then but with a strong power-bank.}


Back to the loo talk.


Why is the loo the seat of inspiration? Why, of all places, do people find it more accepting? More freeing? More rewarding?

A golden loo
BTW, this is a $75,000 Louis Vuitton toilet. I wonder how Nirvanic this would be.

The truth is, no one is sure yet.

For me, I thought it was all about the physical ambiance of the loo, given by sparkling white ceramic seats and tiled walls and powerful, sweet fragrances colliding and fresh air blowing through a curtained window and the privacy that comes with the doors locked. This imagery is from Hollywood and while we all long for it, it is not always the deal where I come from.

Yet, I can attest to the wonders that come out from the restroom. So, maybe it is not just the physical. No, I am not going spiritual either.

Let’s consider psychology.


  1. FEAR: When we sit in the loo, two main fears are faced. One is that, “what if the seat is unable to bear my weight and gives way beneath me?” Then, “what if some slithering, hissing creature lunges for my butt while I’m here?” These two fears, though quite strong, are usually not strong enough to stop us from sitting. So, we conclude, subconsciously, that if these fears are not enough to stop us, if we can face them and not cower, if they are strong but not enough to stand in our way, then, there is no fear that we cannot face.
  2. VULNERABILITY: It is within the loo that we are most vulnerable. We are exposed, yet not ashamed. We open ourselves up, face the door and damn all consequences. It does not matter how many degrees we have, how rich we are, what our societal status is or if we are Captain America in real life. In the loo, we are in our most basic state and we are comfortable that way. We are not willing to be caught that way, though, which is why we lock the door and even when someone knocks, we feel a bit uncomfortable because they are right at the edge of our vulnerability.
  3. ACCEPTANCE: The toilet has no idea what you are coming to do, whether it is the number one or number two or you are just there to work out some emotions. Truth is, sometimes, we ourselves are not sure. But, the loo is always arms wide open to receive us and it does not judge. If you go to the kitchen, the pots, spices and cooker may mock your culinary skills. In the study, the books, projects and deadlines may mock your academic skills. In the bedroom, every single thing may mock your sex appeal, your attractiveness or your ability as a wife, husband and or parent. But, there is no perfect way to take a piss or a dump. No condemnation.
  4. REALITY: The gaseous, fluid and solid by products that come with being in the loo bring to reality the fact that life is vanity. Vanity upon vanity. No matter how delicious and satisfying the meal was that time, the end is met at the loo. It does not matter how fizzy and sweet the drink was too, the loo is its eventual destination. And when life hits us from an angle we were not expecting, the tears take us to the loo. That is where we are able to face the reality of what was, what is and what would/might be.
  5. NIRVANA: Combine the above four things and you find yourself with this ultimate peace that you cannot explain. You are in a rare place and with the ejection of all by-products, your portals are open to the gods of creativity; eyes, ears, nose, mouth and skin pores and you are able to absorb all the wonders they hold for you. Whatever you do with that is then left to you.

These, my dear friends, is the psychology behind the Loftiness of the LOO.

PS: I have no scientific backing for the above points but I am on the lookout. If you can point me to any, I would be most grateful.

PS.PS: If you are making a number two and you are finding it difficult to achieve it, please do not spend too much time there. Get up, wash your hands, take some more water, eat fruits and vegetables and leave toilet-induced Nirvana for another day.

Waiting for “PS.PS.PS”? Till next time. Meanwhile, here are some things to spice up your loo with.



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