If this was just a crush, I would worry little knowing from experience that it would be over someday. But, it has been months, I don’t see these feelings going. Instead, I feel them tightening their bands around my tender heart. If only you knew…
Months before I met you, I had sworn over my university days as unto celibacy. I was determined to let nothing distract me, especially the love issue. I had had my share of crushes, highs and lows. My conclusion was that I would never make the right choice in love. So, it would be better if all energy was focused on my studies and how not to starve in life.
First day, it was your face. I have met many creatures of God in their beauty and awesomeness, seeing you was another perspective. But I steeled my heart, remembering my decision, “stay single, be happy”.
Back in my room, I knew a challenge had risen against my oath. Why now? Why you? If I was faced by a shallow and superficial person, it would have been easy. But, you were deep in many ways. Your words came out carefully thought over and accurately targeted. You had your humor but you still had your sense. You were getting to me, faster than I could control.
Weeks went and I thought I had forgotten until you walked past me with your bag pack, eyes set on what was ahead. Your greeting, cool and brief, lit a lasting flame.
Over these past months, I have found myself going to those places where you just had to be. I have spent time replaying your words in my head. I know your scent, I know your steps, I know your voice, I know your silence. From a distance, I have come to know you more than my nearest friends. I have woven a path around your apartment, making sure I walk by every now and then. I try to convince myself that I am being stupid, but it seems I am very much okay with it. I picture you; your hair, your toes, your enchanting eyes, your lips, your chin, your neck, your fingers… slender and strong.
Sleeping without thoughts of you remains impossible and waking up is complete when you are in my thoughts. I don’t know how long I can keep this up, trying to pretend that I don’t care. I behave just like the others; a wave and a hi and I’m on my way. But I really hope you would have seen beyond the charade to the way my heart beats for you.
I know I made a decision. My university days are almost over. I might have to wait till then. But know this, when indeed they are over, I am coming back for you. For now I will keep my identity as your secret admirer, letting my love for you grow and blossom.
But if when I come back, you are taken, here’s my heart…
“I Love You”.