The estimated reading time for this post is 4 minutes
I confronted her the moment we got home from school.
“Really? Ovie? You know his member has been in every available diameter in school.”
“And? I was horny and drunk. He was available.”
“He doesn’t need to know.”
“Have you and Edi… You know…?”
She had walked away, swinging her hips emphatically. I was not sure whether that was a yes. Kelvin had coaxed Ovie into giving him the details of his escapade with Tafo. He had met her a virgin. That meant Edi….
I was furious. She had a perfect man all over her. Yet, she was throwing herself at, at … At that … Male prostitute!!! How could she? Edi deserved so much better. So much!
Soon after, they had travelled to London together. Two years after, i spent that holiday with them.
At the private hospital i work at, office relationships are the norm. Even among the married ones. I remember walking in on the chief medical officer and his secretary having a go at it right on his office desk. And that during office hours. I pitied the secretary’s husband. The poor guy would keep excusing her dissipating desire for him because he thinks her job is demanding. Yea right.
But there is this guy, Jide. He is one of the doctors that comes in to see patients on Fridays. He works in the University College Hospital but seeing as private practise is the expected, The Golden Heart Hospital employed him too.
Jide is in that category of guys oblivious of their charm. He is so naive and cutely innocent. He is probably the only sane guy in that hospital.
“Kelvin, are you listening to me at all? I wasn’t planning to fall in love with him…”
“Oh please! Don’t give me that! Nobody plans to fall in love. You allowed your heart think for your head. First, he is Yoruba. I trust aunty KK to chase him off the instant you mention his name.”
Kelvin refers to my mother as aunty KK. He is quite fond of her. Truly, mother would hear of no such thing. If i was not going to marry an Ibo man, the other option left is the Coventry.
“Is it even love? We only got talking three months ago.”
“Exactly! It’s just an adult onset crush coupled with the fact that you’ve been denying yourself some action… Claiming to be waiting for Edi. That reminds me, are you over him now?”
Edi and Tafo were finally married. One would expect my love for him to have taken the back door out.
“Well, do i have a choice?”
“Yes, like going out with the date i got you for tonight.”
“Alrightttt… Send me his number.”
The Chief’s house reeked of money. Who puts a gold pleated foot mat outside the door?
“My dear, that’s the fifth one. People keep stealing them.”
I roll my eyes at the funny way his potbelly bounces off his body as he laughs.
Shouldn’t this man have retired from sugar daddy-ship? I’m almost certain he has a child my age.
The sitting room has many framed pictures of him and his family and other works of art. There’s one that looks like a pregnant palm wine tree.
He is a talkative. Or maybe i’m the one not in the mood for talk. He intends running for governor next year and thinks i am interested in being his political wife. He has no clue.
I feel his palm stroking my thigh under the dining table. I give a fake smile, wondering what I’d gotten myself into. Or rather, what Kelvin had gotten me into.
“Nne, you’d take care of me, right?” He winks at me.
Dear God, help me survive this one.
Back in his spacious bedroom, I allowed him stay on top. I was not ready to expend energy on his phallus which apparently even Viagra could do little to help. His obese abdomen only made it worse as he had to move himself and the extra thick apron with every thrust.
All i had to do was punctuate his motions with the appropriate words and sounds. My thoughts were on Jide and the funny way he called my name, almost sounding like cocoyam.
“Jide, it is Kokoma, not cocoyam. How hard can that be?”
“Don’t blame me. Any name that does not start with Oluwa or Ade or Ola is quite a mystery.”
“Nne, is it my little man that is tickling you?”
I had unknowingly laughed out loud as Chief pulled out. He collapsed on the bed, heaving like he just completed a marathon. I kept an apologetic face and gave no explanation.
He still gave me the promised N100,000 and dropped me at my place the next morning.
I sent a text to Kelvin just before i dozed off;
“Don’t you ever fix me up with a man like that again. I could have died from suffocation. Talk to you later.”
7am the next day, a message came in from Jide;
“I got your text.”