Diagnosis

Symptoms

1. Target of admiration becomes a project topic with everyone, anywhere and anytime. You always have a way of bringing up the target in conversations.

“let’s go get purewater”.
“Hm… (looks at the ceiling)… even he takes purewater… okay, let’s go”.

2. Preening: everytime target walks by, every clothe crease is smoothened, an ankle-length skirt is still pulled down a bit, shirt collars are straightened and belts re-buckled. (lol)

3. Persistent antagonism: even though you like bringing up the target in conversations, your comments are always against the target.

“Do you know he attends my church?”
“Really? That guy is a sworn atheist. Ehm, what time does your service start again?”

4. Dreamy eyes: these eyes are pathognomonic. In fact, they are the major diagnostic tool! BUT, recently, some have learnt to eliminate this symptom as it tends to compromise their state. To do this, extra effort is made to discipline the eyes from looking droopy, watery and stoned. Serious work!

5. Change of course: waittt. I do not mean switching from Medicine to Law just because of the target (which is actually possible). I mean, you tend to adjust your movements and timings to match places and moments that would bring you close to your target. This explains why instead of taking the Nisser park/Jaja route to Idia hall,you would walk past Trenchard hall, past Love Garden, Tantalizers, then Bello hall, then Kuti hall before falling back to Jaja road. Why? You were told that target was making photocopies around SUB. why???).

6. Lastly. Check your notes, jotters, textbooks… even currency notes, there is a recurring name, letter(s), symbol, etc… indicators of who the target is. “Let he who has eyes, decipher…”

Risks

1. Exposure: if this becomes public knowledge, especially if the target finds out… this is the greatest risk.

2. Stumbling. Bumping. Slipping. Falling. Why?

3. Reduced concentration

4. Confused speech especially when in the target’s space. These are the moments when english fails you and even your mother-tongue is of little help.

#Warning

If you start drooling, urinating on yourself, insulting your lecturers/HOD’s, etc, you have a neurological problem (until proven otherwise). These symptoms are beyond the our diagnosis.

Sequelae

1. Target has similar symptoms. Good news, eh?

2. Embarrassment. Humiliation. Shrinking… that feeling of wishing the ground will open and swallow you. Why? Target decides to spread the news of one who dreams like Joseph with no hope of ending up like Joseph. Wicked world, eh?

#peo