Ladies,Colors and gentlemen, I am Purple and I am not a primary color.
Today, I will not waste too much of your time with protocols to honor those on the high table. With all due respect which I am not exactly feeling in my marrow, those guys on the high table, those so called primary colors, those trying to lord it over the rest of us are the target of my rant today.
I will not disrespect them further nor soil my integrity by trying to pretend to like them. It cannot be well with people who do things like that. I try as much as possible to be plain with my likes and dislikes, love and hatred and other opposites that occur in life. I am never seating on the wall.
Which is why today, I dare to ask the meaning of this abominable classification that colors have been forced into. Primary? Secondary? Tertiary? Are we in school? Or some twisted training ground? Hilarious I would have said if ridiculous isn’t more appropriate. Absolutely ridiculous!
You see, this whole thing started going wrong the moment some began to see the classification ‘colors’ as too “stifling”, “confining” and “generalizing” and began to clamor for “specification”, “clarification”, “sorting”. I thought we all swore by the mantra, “united we stand, divided we fall”. Apparently, some people think they can eat their cake and have it. Talking about how, “Oh, come on now, Purple, you know it doesn’t change anything.”
The hell it doesn’t.
First, they did bright and dark classification, then it was based on tones as if our other names were found somewhere in the do reh mi fah so la ti scale and now, it’s the ridiculous school-like classification. I think I was careful enough not to ask, “can things get any worse than this” because, they have. Apparently.
I wish I could speak for all the other colors. I mean, did you know some poor ones were thrown into an ‘intermediate’ classification? What does that even mean? That they belong to everybody and to nobody? Or that they are neither here nor there? And that they are neither hot nor cold and should be spat out as lukewarm? Just imagine yourself in their shoes!
But, I cannot stand here today to speak for all of them. I have been nominated by Green, my right hand man and Orange, my sister from another mother.
I am here to ask the judges of today’s hearing to kindly consider our eligibility to be classified as primary colors or to totally disband the classification idea.
Green had earlier written a petition to the selection committee and I doff my hat. His very essence in life aside, he is a great orator and well versed in matters of color.
He was to take on this second part but decided to show everyone that he is not bossing around, unlike some other color I refuse to currently mention who thinks she can open her stinking red mouth (Ah, oh well, finally did mention) and spew trash. I don’t envy her counterparts. Their fates are sealed already. So, a big shout-out to Green for granting me this opportunity.
I am not here to hammer on my close association with royalty. I mean, it’s like oxygen having to brag about its association with breathing or water with thirst and food with hunger.
These are basic things that we should not rub in people’s faces. However, just to remind you one more time, try and imagine your kings and queens clad in yellow with their gold (gold, not yellow) Crowns atop their heads and see them look like vomitus after a corn meal.
Purple, and I feel a divine rush addressing myself in the third person, is everywhere. I’m in plants and flowers, I’m in beds, fishes, fruits, amphibians, precious stones, coral… Ladies, colors and gentlemen, judges, I call to witness Violet, Red leaf lettuce, Janthina Janthina, Indian purples frog, Red berry, Purple Mountain, Amethyst, Violet coral, Onion and Black rice, just to throw in a last surprise.
Twice in these witnesses I have called, you will notice ‘Red’ affixed to their names and that brings me to my counterattack on Red, the spokesperson for the self acclaimed primary colors. This dude is merely an imposter. She just likes to attach herself like a leech to the glory meant for others.
Maybe it’s her domineering nature or maybe the way she often stands out and refuses to be humble, many colors have bowed to her influence and in the process, undermined other colors. I refuse to keep quiet. Red should be called out for what she is… Always trying to usurp others and take their place.
I’m sure if I ask all of you what color fire is, you’d be quick to shout, “Red”, your fists clenched in ready defense.
But, it’s all a lie.
Orange, kindly step up to my side. Right here is the most gentle bearer of power that I know. She does her things with no fuss. She is FIRE. Not red. Not even blue. Just imagine two primary colors trying to claim the place of Orange. There’s even no unity of purpose in their midst. Tsk.
When Orange comes to mind, Orange comes to mind. You get that? Do you? Which of those bloated primary colors has a fruit named directly after them? Not one. Red is all talk but I can’t imagine saying I’d like to eat a Red. What? No way.
Look at the Monarch butterflies in all their glory. The splendor of their existence wrapped in beautiful orange wings that earned them their name. One would think that since monarchy is all about power, why not Red? Well, back to that same point of Red being all bark and no bite.
Yes, we all associate Red with danger or warning against danger but who do you think is strapped on as a safety vest when it is necessary to confront danger? Orange.
Who is placed at intervals in the shape of a cone on the road Where’s there’s been an accident? Orange.
Who holds sway with basketballs, tigers and Halloween pumpkins? Same Orange.
And then you’ve got the juicy Clementines in the same Orange club. Come on. Give a girl a break! This is not even a Girl Power campaign. I just won’t sit back and allow anyone boss my people around all in the name of classifications.
The justification they have for calling us secondary is that we are obtained by the mating between the primary colors.
So, if I’m to take that as true, I’m a descendant of Red and Blue, Orange is the child of Red and Yellow while Green is the product of Blue and Yellow.
Let’s say I and Orange accept, I cannot and I refuse to accept that formulation for the occurrence of my friend, Green.
How dare you claim Blue and Yellow came together to produce such vibrancy and vitality? Those two colors are like the most sterile colors on earth. Blue is such a wimp and yellow such a wuss. Green is definitely not a wimp-wussy product of conception. No, sire.
Have you seen Green?
The leaves and plants that creep and sprout over the earth and under the sea? Or even the common proof of science knowledge; algae.
Green is nature. Nature is green. It is life and while we’ve been fooled to believe the earth appears blue in space, mother earth would like to endorse green as that is the symbol of life and what differentiates her from other planets. Not blue for God’s sake.
As important as money is, we do not associate it with any of the Primary Colors. It would have been cool if it was associated with my humble self but even I am not worthy. The honor has been given to Green. When people think of money, of wealth, of riches, what shines in their eyes is that honorable color, ladies and gentlemen.
Many of us knew of green snakes for a long time and only associated frogs with green. It took a lot of adaptation to imagine leaves that are not green. It’s pretty difficult to imagine anywhere on earth without green… It would practically be lifeless or the desert.
Today, I have limited time to explore the greatness of myself and my fellow comrades. Today, I have limited time to beat down the boasts of Red, Blue and Yellow. But I hope the judges have adequate time to consider this case I have brought before them today.
Prove to these colors on the high table and other colors in the audience today our worthiness to be primary colors or to all just be.. Colors. Anyone who is green with envy can like to get purple and die.
For Green, Orange and Worldcolor peace.