Some people are so lucky and they may not know how lucky they are till they finish reading this write-up.
When an individual realises they have made a mistake and they have in the process, hurt or offended, people, the reactions are usually more or less like a cascade.
1. The, “oh shoot, how did I let that happen” phase: this is the point where you realise your wits or wisdom or calculations or whatever pushed you to make the bad decision or take the wrong action was not enough or not the best. At least not for all parties involved.
2. The, “Well, I did try my best” phase: here is where we keep flogging an apparently dead horse. We try to rationalize, to explain, to defend our actions despite the obvious pointers to it all being a flop. We tell ourselves and whoever cares to listen that things did not go wrong. At least not from our end. This is a close junction to the next phase.
3. The, “Who did or did not..” phase: this is the Garden of Eden Exit phase. We point fingers to whomever, just so long as the spotlight isn’t on us. We blame the devil and the deep blue sea. This is the point where we find ourselves faulting every word or action with so much confidence, we do not realise how foolish and primitive we come across. This is usually the phase where people lose friends. It’s one thing to find it difficult to accept one’s fault. It is an entirely different ball game to then blame others.
4. The, “okay, I am a 💩-faced fellow”, phase: few people get to this point. In fact, most people skip it. No one wants to acknowledge flaws. It’s something akin to hemineglect in neurology. You just don’t want to have anything to do with that part of you. Even if you’re being sliced with a scalpel, drawing blood and touching bone, you just ignore. It takes courage to face flaws full force. It takes inner strength to accept that infallibility is not ingrained in our manual as humans.
5. The, “I am sorry”, phase: this calls for no explanation.
In life, most people are stuck on 2. It’s not hard to reach 1… People will ensure you reach 1. Although, for those who never do, it’s not their fault really. They have just never put themselves out there in any way. They have never had to decide for others and they most likely outsource decision making for their own lives to others.
Phases 3 and 4 can be skipped all together. I’d advocate skipping 3 and embracing 4, but who am I to dictate how your emotional intelligence works?
For those who actually go through 1, 2, 3, 4 but somehow, never get to 5… My sincerest condolences.
You have it the toughest. You go through the humiliation of 1, the inferred confidence of 2, the debate of 3, the self realization and shame of 4… But never experience the relief of 5. It is sad. Very sad.
I mean, three little words to bring you calm and some not yet understood source of well being, and you just can’t bring yourself to say them. Tragic. I have you in my prayers, beloved.
Brethren, count yourself lucky then, if you are able to phase 5.
